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After an unpleasant stay in Australia, a few friends and I made our way to Thailand for Christmas. I’d suggested the island of Koh Chang as our destination, and everyone agreed.
Three days of serious drinking in Bangkok left me ready for the beach, and I arrived just before the place started to get full as backpackers holed up for the holidays. I slung my trusted hammock between two trees, scored some weed, got high and started drinking. Ordinarily I’m a pleasant enough fellow, even when drunk, but I suppose that Australia had soured me a little. My behaviour that night, even for me, was atrocious. There was a group of gap year teenage girls whom I meanly took the piss out of until one of them stormed off crying, and her friends incredulously asked me why I was being so horrible. I staggered off to find more people to offend and upset in my one man maelstrom of anger and darkness. Some of my companions were staying up the beach, and others were arriving in a day or two, so it was me against the world. A proud night!
Some time the next morning I awoke in my hammock. Obviously I felt absolutely terrible, and as if a reminder of my antics were needed, two tough looking guys with tattoos on their bronzed forearms were standing over me.
“Heard you upset quite a lot of people last night, mate,” said the shorter of the two in a laddish English accent. “Oh fuck!” I thought, it seems that the beating I have been asking for all these years, and failed to get, has arrived, and as the previous evening flashed before my eyes, I thought it would only be fair.
“Girls were crying, and three people have moved down the beach,” said the taller one.
No point in denying it, I thought. Be a man and all that. “Only three?” I asked, disappointed. “I thought I’d’ve got at least five.”
To my utter amazement and relief, they both fell about laughing. “Oh mate,” said the short one, Billy, “That’s the most excitement we’ve had in two weeks here. It’s been boring as fuck round ’ere, but now you’ve arrived it looks like we’re gonna have ourselves a fucking funny Christmas.”
It suddenly sank in; I was back on the road again. Too long in hateful Australia, but now I was back in my element, back where everything changes every day, and where absolutely anything can and will happen. I tried to distance myself from my hangover as I got up from my hammock. No time for dallying now, I had new troops to command, people to upset, weed to smoke, beer and whisky to drink, and girls to make cry. |
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